SYN is Alive
by jasonalex
Summary: Follows the happenings in the studio of RPTonSYN, and the guests hosts inside it. Warning: May contain traces of tentacles.
1. Part 1

**SYN is Alive (and has sexual feelings)**

Criddle was standing in the doorway, staring around the kitchen. "I'm hungry." "I'll make us some dinner, then." Callum set about preparing some modern foods. Criddle would just eat whatever Callum made. If left alone, he would probably starve to death. He sat at the counter, elbows on the surface, face in hands. Callum was wearing a frilly apron and humming Glaring Dream, smiling like a happy house wife as he made dinner. Criddle watched him navigate the kitchen with practiced ease. Callum smiled or grinned almost all the time. Criddle never stopped wondering how he could do that. Callum set about preparing some modern foods.

Claire was also there, because really they were not in a kitchen at all, they were in a studio, Callum and Criddle were so focused on each other that it was several minutes before they noticed these seemingly obvious facts about their location. The sudden revelation, both about there whereabouts and the fact that it was sometime after midnight and before 2am (which is hardly the time for dinner), didn't stop Callum from continuing to prepare their food in his frilly apron, which he did happily, of course. Claire, unphased by Callums good looks in his sexy dinner-cooking attire, was checking for texts - sometimes she would pretend to have dirty sext competitions with her listeners "as a joke" but really she did it because reading them in a sultry voice caused her clitoris to swell. At the moment the text page was scattered with texts from slaps confessing her love for Angelina Jolies boobs, but they were all ignored, because it's a well known fact that nobody gives a shit about slaps. The room was awkwardly silent, Criddle was admiring Callum, who was in turn busy cooking dinner, and noone really needed to say anything anyway because Claire had very recently started playing a track with sexual undertones - again, not specifically because it added to the humour of the show (although that was always her cover up story), but because it turned her on. The track finished, and Criddle and Callum returned to their places - Claire noticed they were sitting strangely close, closer than usual, Listeners all over Melbourne and creepy people on the internet noticed the heavy breathing Callum was doing into his microphone, not that they were particularly bothered, as they knew it was only a matter of time before he said something sexist and got his mic turned off anyway.


	2. Part 2

**Part 2: About a month later.**

Tonight was going to be an interesting show. Claire was dirty enough on air as it was, but tonight was going to be different. Tonight Slapps was her guest, and so it was safe to say that tonight, no-one was going to be listening.

However, one poor person WAS listening, Callum was running late and switched on the radio whilst driving to SYN. And thats when he heard Slapps and Claire. Absolutely devastated at what he was hearing, which was actually just a conversation about Harem, he couldn't stand to drive any further. He thought, foolishly, that what He and Claire... and Criddle had was special. But now he knew the truth, Claire was just a filthy slut, and she was just having conversations of a sexual nature with any old (and i do mean old) person she could find. Callum got out of the car and screamed into the air "WHYYYY! WHYYYYYYYY1?". Oh, and also it is raining, for dramatic effect.

The room started to tremble, and not in a metaphorical sexual tension sort of way, because the actual building was shaking, and if metaphorical sexual tension can move a building, we're probably all screwed. The point is that there had been some sort of seismic activity interrupting the show for the last few weeks. Claire hadn't been able to find out about any earthquakes in melbourne, but then that could be something to do with the fact that no-one (excluding claire) is even up after midnight on a saturday, not sober anyway.

The studio was heating up, and the room was shaking more and more, "ARE YOU TRYING TO PLAY FOOTSIES WITH ME?" Claire yelled, "Seriously slapps, noone gives a shit about you, I only let you be a guest tonight on the condition that you would stop coming on to me, we had a deal"

"I'm not doing anything" said Slapps in her hilarious-on-radio voice,  
"I'm being serious now", said Claire, you could tell in her voice that she was being serious now.  
"I'm sick of you trying to get in my pants, what Callum and I... and Criddle have is special, do you really think I would cheat on him.. them?"

"But... I didn't.. I'm not", Slapps was clearly distressed, and Claire knew she was being serious.

"Well if it's not you, then who's slimey tentacle is sexily sliding up and down my leg?"


	3. Part 3

**Part 3**

Meanwhile in the distant regions of space… Felix is having virtual cyber-sex with a kill-o-tron robot. But that really has nothing to do with the characters of our story. But it's certainly good for distracting readers from the cliffhangers. "Wait" Said the kill-o-tron robot, "How does this work?".  
"What do you mean?" asked Felix.  
"Well, I'm a giant kill-o-tron robot, and you are a human, how exactly are we having virtual cyber-sex? How does that work?"  
Felix thought about it for a moment, "Well, the idea is…"

Back on earth, Callum was having a breakdown, he was at home, somehow, staring at himself in the mirror "you dirty slut" he thought, he was, of course, wearing a lady-suit.  
"Don't worry about that bitch" said Criddle, "We don't need her, we are capable of having intercourse without her, anyway"  
Callum wasn't paying attention, we was curled up on the ground sobbing, applying lipstick, bright red lipstick, not too much, bright red lipstick, just a touch.  
"SNAP OUT OF IT CALLUM!" Yelled Criddle, Callum looked up, and once Criddle saw his bright red lipstick, he couldn't contain himself "lets have sex" he blurted out, he blurted it out so fast he didn't have time to pick a good euphemism.  
Callum gave him a strange look, Criddle collected his words and rephrased, " OH .. Callum .. I would like to boldly go where no man has gone before"  
Callum wiped his tears away, "Okay".

Back at the studio, Claire and Slaps (with one p this time) were assessing their current situation. "So, there is something stroking my leg, and it's not me, and it's not you, so who could it be?" the screen that Claire had open to check the texts flickered and two words flashed up on the screen "IT'S ME.".  
Claire was confused, "Who?", and she heard the answer to this question through her headphones: "_Click. Switch. Watch. SYN_"


	4. Part 4: The Tentacular Finale

It was the final night of_ Robot Penis Tongue_ and Claire had organised an on-air orgy in the studio, to ensure that the series would end on a really big climax, if you know what I mean. Claire and Slaps had mutually agreed two weeks before to keep the whole SYN Studio Tentacle thing a secret, or more accurately, a surprise for their guests on the big night.

Callum and Criddle arrived together, obviously, Callum broke out in a sob as he entered, not because it was the final RPT ever, but because he saw Claire, that cheating, lying, bitch. Which shouldn't have been such a surprise, on account of Claire **is** the host, but Callum was just a bit on the dumb, and emotional, side.

Slaps was the last to arrive, Claire had arranged it that way, as to not let the surprise out early - not because Slaps would tell people, as if that would matter, no-one would believe her anyway as noone gives a shit about slaps, but because the studio had taken a '_liking_' to her.

The guests in the studio noticed the temperature rise as slaps entered the room, nobody even noticed her enter, they had **much **more important things on their minds.

Callum had been fuming since he had entered, and had a bone (no entendre intended) to pick with her, "HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME" he yelled, the room went silent for two reasons: The first was Callum yelling, and the second was that several of the guests had felt something sliding up their legs.

"How do you know about that" Claire replied,

"It was live on SYN, Claire, it wasn't hard to miss"

"But Slaps was on that night, and SYN went down when it happ… " she cut of short because she could tell by the look on Callums face that they were not talking about the same incident

"Wait" he said, "What are talking about, I'm talking about you cheating on me, talking dirty with Slaps on the radio"

"Oh, I have something to tell you then, I have something to tell all of you"

The room went silent, well, it was already silent, so it went.. more silent.

"The studio has tentacles, SYN is Alive, and it has sexual feelings"

"You mean?"

"Yes, and my yellow bar reached the top"


End file.
